Progressive Conflict Solutions

Conflict Resolution Services with Ellen Morfei

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All Are Welcome Here: Serving with Love and Acceptance Since Day One

I’m proud to serve diverse families and organizations. In 2016, I signed on with the “All Are Welcome Here” anti-hate pledge.

“The member businesses of the Main Street Alliance and our fellow small business owners throughout the country are deeply disturbed by hateful rhetoric and violence aimed at our Muslim and Arab community members, at refugees fleeing violence, at immigrants, at women and at people of color in our communities. This swell of hate and fear permeating our national dialogue both during and after the most recent election is dangerous. We believe it must be met head-on with clear statements of principle from local business owners because we are leaders in our communities.

America must be a place where people from all nations, races, genders, and creeds seeking freedom and opportunity feel welcome and can build safe, prosperous lives for themselves and their families. When politicians and pundits target people in our communities for political gain, when they fan the flames of hatred and fear, when they attack our neighbors, friends, family members, fellow business owners, employees, and customers, we must stand up and make our voices and our values heard loud and clear:

We stand with our Muslim community members and we stand with refugees and immigrants in our community. We respect women and we value Black lives. We welcome everyone. There is no place for hate in our businesses, our homes, or in our country.”

We’re the TOPS! Ranked in the Top 14 Mediators Out of 300 in Philly

Did you know of over 300 arbitrators and mediators in the Philly area, I’m ranked one of the top 14? Yep! I’ve been included in this list since it was first issued in 2017. Currently, we rate A for reputation and A+ for professionalism!

Expertise.com looked at 300+ arbitrators and mediators in the Philly metro area and evaluated us on reputation, credibility, building customer confidence with licensing, accreditations, and awards, experience, availability, and professionalism. I’m happy to be recognized.

Professional Service: Re-elected to the Board of the Pennsylvania Council of Mediators

I’m pleased and honored to be elected to the Board of Directors of the Pennsylvania Council of Mediators. I served from 2013-2106 and recently began another 2 year term. PCM is the only state-wide organization dedicated solely to conflict resolution. The organization brings together individuals and organizations that share a common interest in mediation as the preferred form of dispute resolution. PCM strives to increase the use of mediation through: Education; Increasing the demand for qualified practitioners; and Providing a network for professional development.

I’m happy to do my part to spread the word about mediation and support fellow practitioners.

Pennsylvania Council of Mediators

Musing on Forgiveness and Apology: 8 Steps to Making a Meaningful and Effective Apology

As I write, the sun is setting to mark the end of the Jewish high holiday of Rosh Hashanah. Prominent themes of the holiday include reflection, asking for forgiveness and making amends. Regardless of your belief system, these are healthy and often cathartic exercises. But how does one properly ask for forgiveness? The cornerstone is apology.

An effective apology is more than just saying “I’m sorry.” Here are some steps to a successful apology.

1)      Mean It. An apology must be sincere to be truly effective. To mean it, you’ll need some time to reflect on what happened. You must come to understand what you did wrong in the situation and how it affected the other person.

2)      Own It. You need to take responsibility for your error and the ramifications, and you need to name them specifically in your apology. “I’m sorry I was late with my part of the project. I understand that makes you rush with your work.”

3)      Don’t Dilute It. Never add “if” or “but” to your apology. Never point the finger at the other person’s feelings. “I’m sorry if my actions hurt your feelings” is not a strong and effective apology.

4)      Correct It. You must make amends for your error. “I’m sorry I was late for the movie and caused us to have lousy seats. I’d like to take you to the theater this Saturday and make sure we get there in plenty of time.” Apologizing and then repeating the behavior undermines the apology and can undermine your credibility for future apologies.

5)      Keep It Simple. This is not the time to rehash everything that happened or otherwise explain yourself. Just state what you did wrong, the ramifications, and how you will correct it.

6)      Practice It. Whether you write it down, role play with a friend, or just have an imaginary conversation in your head (yes, we all do that), you need to be prepared. This apology is important. Take the time to be prepared.

7)      Stick It Out. Having your apology practiced will help you stick to your simple message, even if the person to whom you are apologizing reacts with anger, sadness, or frustration. You are apologizing because you know that you have injured this person. It’s quite possible that talking about that injury, even in the context of an apology, can be uncomfortable for both of you. Be ready to stick it out if you get dished some heat.

8)      Wait It Out. Just because you are ready to apologize, doesn’t mean that he’s ready to forgive. It’s reasonable to ask for forgiveness when you apologize, but it may take the other person some time before she can forgive you. She may never forgive you. Even if she doesn’t, making a sincere apology is an important part of forgiving yourself. A well-considered, genuine, and well-constructed apology is much more likely to lead to forgiveness – even if it takes a while.

So, take a little time to reflect and consider if you have hurt or offended anyone lately. Maybe it’s time to apologize.