Did you know of over 300 arbitrators and mediators in the Philly area, I’m ranked one of the top 18? Yep!
Expertise.com looked at 318 arbitrators and mediators in the Philly metro area and evaluated us on reputation, credibility, building customer confidence with licensing, accreditations, and awards, experience, availability, and professionalism. I’m happy to be recognized.
I’m pleased to be presenting a workshop at the Annual Conference of the Pennsylvania Council of Mediators in Harrisburg. This year’s theme is practice challenges. The two-day conference will be kicked off with a full-day workshop with internationally renowned conflict resolution expert Bernie Mayer, who will present “The Conflict Paradox: The Dilemmas and Contradictions that Define our Work (and our Lives).”
On day two, I’ll sharing some of my unique approaches to mediation in “Coaching to Improve Mediation Outcomes: An Examination of Processes, Pitfalls, and Ethics.” The program description is below:
Careful and skilled application of coaching approaches can effectively support parties in making free and informed choices, deepen their understanding of the conflict, achieve greater clarity about their goals in the mediation, reach more thorough understandings about their decision-making, bolster their self-advocacy, and strengthen their commitment to and compliance with their mediated agreement. But the application of coaching techniques without care, caution, and skill, can raise questions about the mediator’s impartiality and potential for favoritism. We will examine how practices of conflict and personal coaching can be applied to support self-determination and avoid appearances of partiality.
In honor of my BIG birthday (no actual number to be mentioned – but you can infer), I’m offering a gift to YOU. Contact me about conflict coaching before the end of April, and you’ll get the first hour for 50% off. That’s a $80 value to help you prepare for a difficult conversation, understand and improve your conflict responses, or strategize about how to better communicate with that tough person.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. But which words? The viewer is the author and gets to choose those words. And every day, we are creators of the stories we tell ourselves about the pictures we see. The stories you tell influence how you interact with the world – and even the story you tell about yourself.
A few years ago, this picture went viral on social media. I immediately started using it in my conflict resolution workshops. Why? Well, many (maybe most!) conflicts are underpinned with assumptions and we all make a lot of incorrect or at least unhelpful assumptions. If I had my druthers, we would refrain far more from assuming and instead explore and inquire to find out more information. But that’s not always an option. Sometimes we just have to deduce the story ourselves. But what would happen if we crafted a better story? A more positive story?
When most people see this picture of students in front of Rembrandt’s The Nightwatch at the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam, they see kids choosing to look at their phones instead of a masterpiece. The story they write is accompanied by admonitions like “Kids these days!”, “Smartphones are a terrible distraction” and similar sentiments. But that’s not the story we have to tell (and it’s also not the real story). We can choose to tell a more positive story: “The kids are using a museum tool to better understand the painting” or “They’re designing an app to increase art appreciation.”
The stories we tell ourselves about others influence us, them, and our relationships. A positive outlook can make you more resistant to pain, lower your cholesterol, and increase your longevity. It also helps you build skills to improve your personal relationships and workplace success and satisfaction. (Read more here and here and here too.) Positive story-telling is a key part of having or developing an overall sense of positivity and is a critical skill in improving your conflict management skills.
As with all conflict management skills, I encourage my workshop participants to practice using these skills before they are in a conflict. Positive story-telling is actually a fun skill to practice. There’s a scene in the comic movie Date Night where the married characters played by Tine Fey and Steve Carell amuse themselves by playing a game they call What’s Their Story in which they craft tales about other restaurant diners. (It’s pretty funny, but also pretty adult, so I’ll let you Google it yourself.) Try a twist on their game and challenge yourself to tell only positive stories about the people you observe around you. Next time you are out with time to kill, don’t grab your smartphone for a distraction. Look at the people around you and craft positive stories about them. Or better yet, engage your partner or kids in doing it with you! You’ll get a good laugh, but you’ll also train yourself to think more positively about other people.
Getting good at that? Try it for the people you know when they behave in ways that don’t make immediate sense to you. In the process, you will find that you have fewer unnecessary conflicts and also improve your ability to resolve the needed ones.
Happy storytelling!
Do you need better coping strategies?
Holidays are a tough time for many of us. You can’t fix your all family relationships by December 25th, but you can develop some strategies for making the holidays more enjoyable and less stressful.
Join me on Thursday, December 10, 7-8:30 pm for a workshop on Dealing with Family Conflict at the Holidays. We’ll talk about conflict survival strategies and answer your questions about your particular holiday family challenges and “what ifs.” Fee: $20. Register for the workshop here.
